When I can't be perfect
by GloriousNymph
Summary: Unlike, seemingly, the rest of her school she hates Hogwarts. It's not the fairytale she imagined it to be. Not only that, she is losing her confidence. The only one she can talk to is the one everyone else sees as the enemy. more inside.. AU OOC OC
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **When I can't be perfect

**Author: **GloriousNymph

**Summary:** Unlike, seemingly, the rest of her school she hates Hogwarts. It's not the fairytale she imagined it to be. Not only that, she is losing her confidence. The only one she can talk to is the one everyone else sees as the enemy. And she gets unwanted attention from a boy with flaming red hair.

**Warning: **There will be no boyxboy (sorry :( ), The story is AU and OOC. Let's say Harry already killed the dark lord in his third year or something, and everyone has recovered from it and so on.

**Disclaimer: **The characters, except for a few, belong to J.K Rowling.

* * *

We were heading towards Hogwarts to start a new year in Hogwarts. This year I, Victoria, was starting my fourth. I dreaded it.

Being born in the muggle world and going to a normal school until I was eleven had made Hogwarts seem like a fairytale. Even though I had noticed I could do strange things, I didn't pay much attention to it. But Hogwarts wasn't a fairytale, it was hell.

---

"Vicky?" I dragged my eyes tiredly and irritated from the beautiful view outside, I would never get used to how breathtaking the scenery was. My eyes connected with Sophia."What?.." When she didn't answer immediately I turned to the window once again. "Victoria! Stop being so cranky will you?" I sighed and yet again turned my head to her. "All right fine.." I said with a deep sigh "What's wrong?" "Well, we all" she paused. _´We all?´ _I looked around, and noticed the others. "Oh shit! When did you guys get here?!" Sophia, knowing me so well and all, must have known I would be like this. While the others gave me an irritated look, she gave a tired and continued. "As I said, we all are getting pretty fed up with your foul mood. Just because you hate school doesn't mean we do. So please, when we get to Hogwarts don't sulk around us. I know that you hate being in Hufflepuff, and that's fine, but you make the rest of the house depressed. Unlike you, we're proud. So please Victoria?" With eyes like that I couldn't say no, I looked at the others in the wagon, all of them were staring at their feet. I nodded, and they all let out a deep sigh and returned to what they were doing before. Sophia looked relieved as well. I could feel my heart sink deeper and suddenly I felt empty and cold. I returned to the window.

After a while we were informed that we had arrived. Not wanting to be a _burden_ to my so-called-friends I walked out the train before them. When I got out I noticed I was the first, since I was standing at the platform alone. `_Maybe I had been in too much of a hurry_` I thought absent-mindedly _`I hope I didn't hurt them`_. And just like that the platform was filled with students. Suddenly I fell forward, _`someone must have bumped in to me`_, and a hand was extended to help me up. I looked up and saw that it was none other than Ronald Weasley, The "Golden" boys side kick. "I'm Sorry, didn't see you" he said with a smile. I took his hand and was at my feet in no time again.

"Since you're so small, you must be a first year right?" Ronald Weasley must have been blind, since he couldn't see that I was wearing my house colours, which NONE of the first years were since they didn't know what houses they were placed in. And suddenly it hit me that he had thought I was a first year. All my insecurity, that had been forgotten during the summer, was shot straight to my brain. Of course I got really pissed off and hurt, so I did the only thing I was good at, I kicked him in the knee. As I was walking away I could hear him swear those ridiculous wizard swears, God I hated those. But I didn't care, I just continued walking, feeling how the tears were coming.

---

Hermione and Harry walked up to Ron where he was standing at the platform. He was rubbing his leg, swearing AND crying all at the same time. "What did Malfoy do this time?" they said, not surprised something like this would happen even if the school hadn't started. Ron stopped rubbing and looked up at his two best friends. "Bloody fucking Malfoy didn't do shit, it was a first year girl whom I was being kind to!" he said through clenched teeth. "Ronald Bilius Weasley, what. Did. You. Do?" He looked at Hermione _`Of course she thinks I did something` _"I didn't do anything! I accidentally bumped in to her, then I was being a gentleman and helped her up and apologized. And suddenly she kicked me!" His two best friends frowned and looked at each other, then turned to look at him again. "Did you say anything offensive to her?" Harry asked. Ron replayed the scene in his head again, and then shook his head. "Nothing I can think off, no" The three of them looked at each other confused, then Hermione suddenly remembered the time. "We can't stand here all day! We're going to be late if don't move"

"So what did she look like?" Hermione asked as they approached the school. After talking about quidditch with Harry and listening to Luna's bizarreness it felt weird to him that she would ask that so suddenly. Everyone turned to Ron "Who?" He could feel how is cheeks were getting redder _´Damn you Hermione, you're such a sadist!`_ He turned his eyes to Hermione, and yes, she had a wicked smile stuck on her face. "n-n-no one" he managed to stutter. "A girl, he thinks she's a first year, kicked him in the knee" Harry said bored. He really wasn't into their stupid little games, they bored him to no end.

Ron gave him a glare, which could have been translated as traitor, then looked at his curious friends. He decided it wasn't really a big deal and told them. "Well, she was very short, about 4 foot 10 (about 1,47 cm) and asian. And when she talked she had an accent, I don't think she has lived in England her whole life, but it didn't sound like she was from asia either."

----

I sat at the Hufflepuff table, my friends were a bit away from me, even Sophia. They weren't happy that I had ditched them at the train. "It's this kind of behaviour we wanted you to stop with" Sophia had told me. _`Well you wanted me to leave you alone..` _I looked around me, and started feeling depressed again. All the girls in my year had developed during the summer. They were taller, slimmer and had curves. And I was stuck in my childlike body, only a pedophile would like me. Or maybe a first or second year _`But then I would feel like a pedophile`. _

I banged my head in the table, which resulted in people giving me weird stares and snickering. _`Oh, How I love school`. _I felt someone looking at me so I turned around and my eyes connected with Draco Malfoy's, I gave him a small smile and a quick nod, to say hello without anyone noticing. He looked around quickly, and did the same. Why would I smile and nod to the prince of darkness, or whatever it is they call him? And why would he do the same to me? Complicated is all I can say.

The thing with Draco is that no one understood him, when they looked at him they thought: Evil, bastard, rasist and such. But of course he would be all of that since was raised such. I didn't hate him or his father, since he had been raised the same way. Since my mother was a psychologist I had it easy to analyse people, and I couldn't really hate anyone without knowing everything about him or her. But the thing between Draco and me was complicated.

I was awaken from my thoughts when the sorting of the first year students began.

–---

As the trio walked in to the Ron spotted the girl who had kicked him. "There she is!" he said to his two friends and pointed towards her. When Hermione saw who he meant she had to restrain herself from laughing at him and hit him in the head. "That girl, if you didn't notice it, can't be a first year since she is already sitting by the Hufflepuff table and the sorting hasn't started yet. Seconds, she's the same year as us." Ron and Harry looked at her shocked, they couldn't believe she was the same age as them. He replayed the scene once again in his head. "I.. I told her she must be a first year since she's so short.." Hermione gave him a look of horror "Ron, you're such an idiot! Of course she would do something like that, I would if that had been me." At that moment Ron wanted to disappear, this was not a good way to start the new school year. The tree of them sat down, and the sorting began.

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**TBC** Reviews are welcomed!


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **When I can't be perfect

**Author: **GloriousNymph

**Warning: **There will be no boyxboy (sorry :( ), The story is AU and OOC. Let's say Harry already killed the dark lord in his third year or something, and everyone has recovered from it and so on. There will be bashing towards a lot.

**Disclaimer: **The characters, except for a few, belong to J.K Rowling.

* * *

The first week was nearing it's end, and it felt like summer break had never been. I stared out the window during one of the classes, didn't really know which and didn't care.

The fact that the break was feeling more and more like a distant memory saddened me. Only a week ago had I been with my friends and family, enjoying life to the fullest. Being back to school, hating it and being disliked by my house because of it made me feel empty.

"..ensen, miss Jensen!"

I moved my head away from the window in, slowly.

"Miss Jensen, why aren't you paying attention, don't you care about your studies??"

I snickered. My teacher, whom I forgotten the name of because I didn't give shit about it, looked about to explode, probably from anger.

"No, not at all whatever your name is. Besides, this class is really boring"

This made him explode, resolving in Hufflepuff losing a lot of points, me getting a lot of angry glares from my fellow house mates and me being kicked out from class. When I reached the door, with everyone's eyes on my back, I raised my hand and gave them all my favourite finger, not looking back once. Never had I behaved like that in school, but I guess I couldn't hold it in any more. It felt good to finally let it all out.

Actually, it didn't. Nothing could really make me feel better, except for maybe the lake. So I decided it was a place worth going to in my time of being pissed off.

–

Ron and his fellow schoolmates stared at the door as it closed. Then they turned their heads towards their teacher. His head was beginning to turn purple, and Ron could swear he saw smoke coming out from his ears.

He turned to look at Harry and Hermione. Both being as puzzled as him in this matter. Hermione seeming more angry about it. And he knew it was because class had been disrupted. _`Wait! That's the girl who kicked me in the leg!` _Something he hadn't noticed before, since he had been too surprised.

The class got dismissed earlier. Their professor, who was being extremely pissed, was going to talk to the head of Hufflepuff, professor Sprout, about Victoria's behaviour.

"You go ahead, I'm going to do something first" Ron told his two friends, and watched as they walked away.

He then turned to the Hufflepuff's who were heading the opposite direction. As he was about to stop one of them it suddenly hit him, he didn't know their names. _`No this can't be right.` _But as he thought about it harder, he realised that yes, he was clueless to who these people were.

_`I know all the names of the students in Slytherin, even though I don't want to, especially with that git Malfoy in it. I don't care if he was on our side during the war and all that, he's still a mean, ego... back on topic Ron! Anyway, all the Slytherins, all the Gryffindors, all the Ravencla...` _He realized he didn't know almost anyone from Ravenclaw either. This was something that upset and worried him a lot.

"Erm... Ron? Are you al right?"

Ron looked at the girl shocked. He had been too lost in thought to notice anything or anyone. He saw that it was Hannah Abbott. _`...bloody, that's right! Hannah goes to Hufflepuff.` _Being relieved that he at least knew one person in Hufflepuff he let out a deep sigh. But he still felt guilt. He saw that Hannah was staring at him and he remembered why he had asked his two best friends two go on ahead.

"Hannah! I'm so glad I got a hold of you, or.. eh.. maybe it's the other way around.. Anyway, who was that girl before?"

"She's Victoria" she spat out, anger in her voice.

Ron frowned, he could understand why she was mad at the girl for what happened at class, but it sounded that she had been feeling bitter towards this Victoria for quite some time.

"So, eh.. can you tell me more about her? She doesn't seem like the usual Hufflepuff..."

"...haaaaah.... al right. Well, she's lived in Norway but was born in Vietnam, from what she told us. And she's a muggle-born. Oh yeah! She totally hates Hufflepuff and Hogwarts. That enough for you?" Not caring for an answer she turned and walked away, the same direction as the others from her house.

Ron stood there frozen. In his head there was only one thing from what Hannah Abbott had said that replayed itself over and over again. _`She hates Hogwarts...` _To him it was impossible that someone that wasn't from Slytherin could hate the school he and his friends held so dear.

–

I decided not to go to the lake. Today was a sunny day, and sunny days attracted a lot of disliked students, disliked students being almost everyone in school. So I decided to go to this room I found last year. It just popped up when I was walking at the seventh floor.

The first time I had opened the door I had been overwhelmed. The room had been, and still was, a copy of my room. The room I rarely got to see. I had begun to cry, and it had felt refreshing. Ever since that day the room had become my sanctuary. I had stopped coming to cry, instead I came just to be. It made me feel so free.

Something the room was lacking was technology. Something the school seemed to lack as well. To not being able to contact your friends or your family in the simplest ways really got to you. It is so easy to just pick up your phone and then you'll be hearing their voices.

Or to send a simple email or chat. During the years I had drifted further and further away from my friends and my family. It was all thanks to this stupid school. I really hated it, and everyone in it. Everything was so false.

As I lay on the bed, my bed, thinking, I felt something hard under the covers. It was my diary. _`Well, this was long ago` _I opened it and began reading a few of the things I had written, jumping a lot.

* * *

_xx xx_

_This is school is fake! FAKE FAKE FAKE!! I hate it so much! _

_Why is it that the houses seem to not be interacting with each other? Why is it that the houses are prejudice against each other? I mean, everyone thinks that because Ravenclaw are passionate about studying they are snobbish, boring, nerds. Or that everyone in the stupid Gryffindor house are courageous. "__Gryffindor - Where dwell the brave at heart, Their daring, nerve, and chivalry, Set Gryffindors apart.__" Such load of bullshit. Those in Gryffindor think to highly of themselves, I really dislike them. Or Slytherin, what's with the "Slytherins are evil bastards, death eaters, think only about themselves." I really hate being in this stupid house. Of all houses I was placed in the one with the ugly colours, and everyone thinks we are stupid as well._

_Why can't I go to a normal school? With my friends. Why did it have to be Hogwarts?_

–

_xx xx_

_The golden trio and Dumbledore sicken me, especially Dumbledore. It's obvious that he favours Gryffindor, so bloody fucking obvious! And Potter is just sad, doing everything Dumbledore asks of him. If he would ask him to kiss his as, I'm 100% he would, disgusting. And what the hell is Granger doing in Gryffindor? She doesn't seem brave at all, why isn't she in Ravenclaw? And that Weasley, oh god! Talk about pathetic! Follows potter like a puppy. All the teachers favours them, except for professor Snape. He's the only teacher who's name is worth remembering and who's worth my respect._

* * *

I decided to jump the hate everything things I had written. Nowadays I couldn't hate, or I tried not to hate, instead I disliked. My philosophy was that before judging someone try living in their shoes, which was very hard, since I disliked a lot of people. Thinking of this, I decided to jump to where I had for the first time I had really spoken to Draco.

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**TBC **

Well that was the second chapter, please excuse me if my writing wasn't the best, english isn't my first language. Feel free to review about anything in the chapter that you liked/disliked or found confusing. But if you nag about something I have warned about, then you know what? I won't care.


	3. Chapter 3 Speaking to Draco

**Title: **When I can't be perfect

**Author: **GloriousNymph

**Warning: **There will be no boyxboy (sorry :( ), The story is AU and OOC. Let's say Harry already killed the dark lord in his third year or something, and everyone has recovered from it and so on. There will be bashing towards a lot.

**Disclaimer: **The characters, except for a few, belong to J.K Rowling.

* * *

_xx_

_Today something happened. As I walked down to the lake to relax and be free I spotted none other than Draco Malfoy. He sat on a rock, close to the water and surrounded by a few trees. The thing that caught my attention was his expression. His face was blanc, showing nothing to the one who didn't pay much attention, but his eyes were like storms filled with emotions. He looked sad._

_I had walked towards him and settled down by a tree. I sat close, but still far, not to make him uncomfortable or angry. I don't know why I did it. My mind had already told me that he would be angry, since I was a muggle-born and his family had been raised to hate people like me for generations. But I had ignored my inner voice, as always._

_At first he was looking at me angrily, as to say "Get the hell away" or something, but being me I ignored it. He had given up on it after a while. That, I found shocking. We sat there in silence for quite some time, but then I took courage and asked him what had been on my mind. I had asked what was the matter and why he looked so sad. _

_Instead of hexing me into oblivion, which was surprising as hell, his face had turned from the harsh stone face he always wore to one showing everything he was feeling. Combining his eyes, I had never seen one looking so lost, so desperate so alone... it hurt to see someone that always looked so strong and proud looking like that._

"_You're the only one in this school who has asked something like that you know? Not even my closest friends has asked"_

_And just like that it seemed that everything he had kept locked inside him was pouring. He told me that he was trying to be "kinder" towards muggle-borns, since he had been on the good side of the war against Voldemort (People who can't say his are just ridiculous, especially those who have lived in the muggle world) he and his fellow Slytherins thought it would be good to try be more civil towards everyone else. But it was hard for him, since everyone still saw him in the same way as before._

_(I know what he was talking about, since no one in Hufflepuff has changed their opinion of him.)_

_Especially with the golden boys sidekick hating him with passion. Wherever he went he could still hear the distrust and prejudice people held towards him and his family, a lot of people not believing that the Malfoy family had been the good ones. "They don't know me! And they don't know shit about my family! My father is a kind man, as well as my mother!" _

_I have never been afraid of Draco Malfoy, because I knew that deep inside he was a kind person with a heart which was as fragile as my own. We parted after a while, he told me it would be better if I kept this a secret since people would think he had hexed me or something. He went back to the castle and I remained by the lake. I know he respects me as much as I respect him. I hope people will see not only the Malfoy family, but everyone for who the really are._

* * *

_`Man, my mother really influenced me` _I thought after reading it. But it made me smile. After that time, whenever we had bumped into each other we ended up talking. We were each others therapists, I listened to him and told him what I thought about it and he did the same. It wasn't love, it was understanding.

* * *

**TBC**

And that was how Draco's and Victorias first "meeting" had gone. Review!


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